Thursday, February 2 2017
This week Cole Chapman joins us to promotionally plug Category Five Sluricane E-40 Hurricane, the world's worst alcoholic beverage. David's ex-wife calls to let us know about her new love interest, who went to high school and summer camp with David. Her question for the show is: how long do you wait before you tell someone you were married to David Cooper and is that a deal-breaker? David's friend Jordan calls high as a kite and inception happens when a previous episode is played over the current one. A caller from the street on her way to Bali doesn't have time for us. A cyberbully leaves the show a menacing message demanding David wish her a happy birthday. Cole and David discuss a plan to confront the cyberbully with several callers and the episode climaxes with the confrontation. Oh yeaahhhhhhh! David's girlfriend calls and generally expresses disapproval with the way the episode went. We learn Cole's possibly in ad sales, possibly works for a newspaper, gets along with his family and has either an older or younger brother who's definitely an anti-Semite. Cole walks away saying, "I came on expecting some kind of interview, but it's just therapy for David Cooper for an hour and a half." That went well, I think. We're told the Suzuki SV650S is being inspected by the CHP next week, but it's not the first time we've heard that.
Wednesday, January 25 2017
Tonight Munette - a psuedonym - of podcast Ask a Divorcée joins us. At the top, David's childhood friend Jordan calls in and tells us about his new love interest. Jordan speaks to the ongoing plot arc of David's mother's childhood toplessness. Age of consent laws in Canada vs. the US and their various loopholes are debated. Munette tells of us of her new romance and his symmetrical, perfect penis. By collecting pellets, Munette and her man believe life and death are the same which is confusing. A mystery to David -- why Munette always looks dirty -- is answered. We find out Munette doesn't care for testicles but that David's a "Ball Man." The Suzuki SV650S owner, David and Munette discuss mental illness. We're still awaiting the bike's inspection by the CHP. David's girlfriend calls and the show devolves to discussing buttholes and hemorrhoids. That went well, I think. The episode ends with David and Munette disagreeing about the definition of polyamory.
Thursday, January 19 2017
Ray Connolly has been sober for 19 days. What else can be said of the worst episode of the worst radio show broadcast to date? Not a whole lot. Vic called. Listen for yourself. Or don't. That did not go well, I think. The Suzuki SV650S has a problem with its vehicle identification number.
Thursday, January 12 2017
This week hilarious comic Alexandria Love of Bay Area podcast Here's Why That's Funny drops in. She's twenty-four years old. With the revelation that Alex is inexplicably drawn to David, the following question comes up: would you rather be likeable or be David? Our first caller is the studio's neighbour complaining about the show. Brianna from the street calls in and tells David he looks ashy and needs lotion. Parental problems are discussed. Alex's parents think she's a loose woman. David's parents call in for the first time. His mother gives a long overdue apology, but David laments that there wasn't more confrontation. A stand-up routine about fruit is played. David's early childhood friend (and crush?) Hallie unexpectedly walks by and calls in. David asks what might have been if he'd made advances when they were thirteen. Events that happened years ago are discussed and David's definitely, definitely still not angry. David and Alex commiserate over their formative years. Alex explores feelings of self-esteem, happiness, loneliness, and fraught high school days and relates them to her experiences with stand-up comedy. Too much wine is consumed. David gets called a rape apologist. That went well, I think. The Suzuki SV650S is getting its plates registered tomorrow, but we'll believe it when we see it. Or hear it.
Thursday, January 5 2017
A special episode broadcast from an ad-hoc home studio in Toronto. This week, David's brother Jon joins us. At the top, Jon discusses his view of David's childhood woes and verifies claims about their mother's nudist tendencies. After an initial brawl about a guitar theft and Jon's relationship with a friendly neighbourhood pedophile, a friend calls in saying David and Jon are Jewish narcissists. There's a trumpet, there's Tequila! Jon and their brother Dan gang up on David about his imaginary girlfriend. A guest, Galo, tells us a bad story about David naked and covered in vomit this past New Years Eve. That went well, I think. David's (ex?) girlfriend grabs the mic and takes a few jabs at everyone. She stunningly fact checks David's false claims about his sexual history. A challenge arises: will the Suzuki SV650S be sold before David finalizes his divorce? Afterwards, what you didn't hear was Jon say, "That was terrible, can we re-do it?"
Saturday, December 24 2016
It's Christmas live from a crappy hotel or a decent motel with David finding himself in North County, San Diego for a bizarre impromptu episode. Joining him are childhood friends Dan Linley and Vic Dence. A caller to many but never an in-person guest, it's Vic's first time on a podcast, nay radio show in the flesh. It's a surreal experience for him. Dan refuses to cooperate and plays video games the whole time wearing disgusting socks. Dan's podcast co-host Doug from Fish Burp who's been feuding with David calls. In the holiday spirit the two make a small move toward reconciliation. Alex Love from yet another podcast, Here's Why That's Funny, rings aroused with Christmas furvor and threatens to beat David's "monkey ass." The motley crew bicker and discuss their tolerance for David. Vic's diplomacy skills shine through when he mediates an argument over whether lying to your kids about Santa is sociopathic. That went well, I think. No word about the Suzuki SV650S.
Thursday, December 22 2016
Comedian Rusty Shackleford drops into the studio. Rusty's got a thousand kids in two thousand timezones. An employee of the Environmental Protection Agency, he discusses with David and the Suzuki SV650S's owner the legality of the bike's exhaust system. Your host and neighbourhood Grinch David, self-styled as the President and CEO of The Lonely Jewish Christmas Club rants on about his Yuletide disdain. An anti-Semitic caller tells David to relax and not let Christmas stress him out. Another caller likens your host to Howard Stern and Rusty to Robin. Hilarity ensues. Ex-marine Rusty and David argue repeatedly over whether there are "Davids" in the military. David's brother calls in but quickly gets bored. Things get real when Rusty talks candidly about his brief but turbulent tour in Iraq during Desert Storm. The show ends with everyone having to pee. That went well, I think.
Wednesday, December 14 2016
Dan Linley joins us for his second time in the studio and spends the night bickering with David -- his gruff Irish charisma no match for David's manic apathy. Our friend with the Suzuki SV650S ponders what he'll do with the money from selling the... Oh. Yeah. Fecalphobic podcast-calling legend Vic rings in to the live radio show. It's not a podcast. A Latvian or Lithuanian or Latino man grooves to a funky beat. A man with a trumpet takes us on a space wars odyssey. Vic and Dan offer a Christmas miracle to David but David's ex-girlfriend calls in questioning his motives. That went well, I think. And now back to a very pregnant Diane in the weather room.
Thursday, December 8 2016
This week David warmly welcomes Omar Doe (a pseudonym), his Palestinian barber. Contrary to what his Myspace says, he's not an anti-Semite. A strange woman named Breena calls in. She flip flops on the happiness of her childhood, and we add her mother who once went down to a basement and came up as a Jew for Jesus. David's ex-wife calls in and to David's dismay discusses his receding hairline with Omar. That went well, I think. The theme of dead pets from the past two episodes continues. David's brother asks Omar why he shaves in David's signature "speed groove" haircut. His brother also confesses to trying to kill a woman with a motorboat. Omar shares some real moments discussing addiction, a possible higher power, and twelve step programs. Omar's fiancée calls in and aren't they sweet! The episode nearly ends with no update on the SV650S, but at the last minute we find out about its pending DMV registration.
Thursday, December 1 2016
Our guest David Klein "is worth asking questions of since he's a nice, interesting person who has lived many lives" according to David Cooper's ex-wife. Jews David and David reminisce about their stomach problems. Cooper's ex-wife pauses watching Westworld to call in and critique the show. Cooper assures us and his mother -- if she's listening -- that he's really getting things together. This might actually be going well, I think. Klein has strong opinions on sex with robots. We carefully navigate the topics of incest and homosexuality with Cooper's brother. Klein lectures the Suzuki SV650S owner to get it together and sell his bike already. Previous guest Cici Whittle calls in and shares a dead ferret story. Things devolve in the end as a bottle of wine is finished and we discuss domain names (jew.pizza and jew.accountants are available).
Wednesday, November 23 2016
Choker necklaces are back in! Distractible and wine drunk comedians Allison Hooker and David sit down for a confusing evening together. The Jewess from last week calls in and updates us, but her future with face-blind David seems precarious. David has a special coming out announcement and it's hard on his brother who calls in taking issue. Allison's friend Phoebe join us in studio to talk about ketamine. Brazil is discussed. Allison's boyfriend "Young Muscles" has his gentiles discussed, comes by the studio and David feels threatened. Fan voicemails are played. A hiccup with sourcing parts for the Suzuki SV650S is resolved. That went well, I think.
Thursday, November 17 2016
Against all odds, an episode with the extremely lovely Cici Whittle and affable Priyanka Wali has a fun, easy going and less vulgar air about it. It went well, I think. Xanax is barely talked about. David's problems seem insignificant. Priyanka has the hots for septuagenarian Cici as a low carb diet is pushed. A Jewess sees the studio and calls in. We worry about Tay-Sachs if she pursues David romantically. David's ex-wife ends up on the line and talk of dead dogs and cats brings sombreness, laughter and catharsis. Talk of menopause overpowers the sale of the Suzuki SV650S which remains off the classifieds. We learn Priyanka's the top twenty-five and a fifth (25.5th) female stand-up comedian you need to know.
Tuesday, November 15 2016
What's better than David not listening to one comedian? Not listening to two. Comedy partners David Roth and Krista Fatka of Destiny's Mom strap on for the confusion. ("That's Facebook.com slash Destiny's Mom Comedy. That's Destiny with a 'ys', not 'ies'.") An older, less jaded David Roth confronts what might have been if he were Canadian and unlikeable. Stress diarrhea and zinc oxide cream are discussed. Tone deaf, your host monologues about his problems and reverse gender violence. Krista clues in early to the secrets of live radio podcasting by ignoring him. Did that go well? I think? Jews and gentile clash over ten years of Palestinian trapeze artistry. Timothy shares a certain darkness with the sale of the Suzuki SV650S. We wish Roth and Fatka a happy Thanksgiving in Vegas.
Thursday, November 3 2016
David wonders why comedically talented and charming Ginny Hogan is willing to do the show. An obvious answer emerges: unfettered Judeophelia. Her recent experience hallucinating on sleeping pills sparks talking shop about medication. Comedian Jeff Dean rings but ends the call with better things to do. The show suffers from caller overload. The keen listener may note the show continues to generally just suffer. This is going well, I think. A woman calls insisting she's slept with David while failing to describe his birth defect. The Suzuki SV650S ending up in the classifieds next week looms.
Thursday, October 27 2016
The show turns into a reverse suicide hotline, callers seem concerned David doesn't kill himself. Guest Erika Kettleson joins along for the ride of support. Her boyfriend calls. Prior guest Ray Connolly relays that his mom is worried. David's brother and his entourage call repeatedly. David's ex-wife begs for the show to have questions or a format or anything. That went well, I think? There's talk of sh*t. There's a penny story. We're left wondering that if people think you have worth, can you still think you're worthless? The Suzuki SV650S remains unsold.